America Held Hostage 1995 Content

Each 12" x 12" image from the 1994 America Held Hostage calendar is suitable for framing.

COULD HAVE BEEN GURNSEY GAMBLER OR BOVINE BETTER

The dopes this unelected meddler has roped are those who believe her several explanations about how she made $100,000 in cattle futures during Ronald Reagan's heartless and greedy eighties.Because cattle future were on a steep and sustained climb during the nine months Rodham was in the market, she and her defenders like to say that her unparalleled success was the result of both savvy and lucky timing. But the bulk of that $100,000 was made in seemingly prescient bets against the market's steady ascent that match the occasional momentary downturns.

This Fantasy Island spoof was triggered by a report in Time Magazine of President Clinton's reacton to a Lego model of the White House presented to him in the Oval Office: "Secretary [Robert] Reich could almost live in there" (the labor secretary happened to be four feet and eight inches tall). For Clinton's insensitive remark, and for this politically incorrect illustration, Bodewell offers the Eddie Murphy approach to correctness in humor: "The reason I make fun of homosexuals," said Murphy, "is . . . 'cause they be homosexuals."

Every dittohead will recognize the phrase "symbolism over substance." The most revolting example of this phenomenon was a real-life instance from Bill Clinton's D-Day memorial trip to England and France during which he was videotaped among rows of United Sates Servicemen's graves stooping to replant miniature American flags that had been uprooted by the president's advance team to set the stage for a poignant photo opportunitiy. Bodewell is not veteran, but this manipulative sham made him want to hurl.

Bodewell's original calendar notes read prophetically: "Dark deeds sometimes lead to turbulent times. The Clinton's negotiated some eddies and swirls during Special Counsel Robert Fiske's aborted investigation. But the newly appointed Independent Counsel, Kenneth Starr, and Republican House and Senate majorities suggest that more roiling rapids and submerged objects may await the First Rafters downstream.

Given the mutual fawning between certain moving image media moguls and the Clintons, and given Clinton's personal family values record, it was going to be either Roseanne for Culture Czar or Madonna for Special Advisor to the President on Family Values.

Daniel Rostenkowski not only look so right in the role of the heavy (he'd cast perfectly for the part of a union boss), but since his lack of sense was exhibited by his abuse of the House of Representatives Post Office privileges, he was the obvious choice to inaugurate what could become a series of "No Cents" stamps. Many other candidates leap to mind.

This errantly titled illustration (should be "I'd feel naked") was based on a Bulova watch advertisement that featured super model Kathy Ireland wearing only a time piece on her comely wrist. During the Clinton administrations desperate push to get congress to pass Hillary's Universal Health Care proposal, it had occurred to the artist that perhaps the champions of the plan might have had more success promoting it with their bodies than on its merits. But after sketching a prototype, it began to sink in that the Bulova ad worked because Ireland is beautiful and the watch is worth something.
(NOT SUITABLE FOR FRAMING!)

"Dave," the movie, featured a good man thrust into an unlikely position who rose to the occasion. The problem with "Bill" is not that it is rated "R," or how much Bill resembles the individual who, in the movie, Dave replaced. The problem with Bill is that it is not a movie and that it has a four-year engagement.

This Eric "Clapner" [she was talking about Clapton] fan was scary because her occupation of the office of Surgeon General of the United States demonstrated either how much foolishness Bill Clinton would abide to make his appointees look like America, or that, like Jocelyn Elders, Clinton approved of drug legalization and the distribution of condoms to elementary school children.

Young Bill Clinton shook hands with John F. Kennedy in 1963. That meeting, after which the ambitious youth determined one day to occupy the White House, was what Newsweek termed a "defining moment." Although Clinton visited Moscow a few years later, he did not meet the man who had pounded the United Nations General Assembly lectern with his shoe, boasting how he would bury us. But Clinton's socio-economic policies, resembling more those of Nikita Krushchev than Kennedy, might well intern the nation, were they permitted to pass. (That is a young Hillary Rodham in the background.)

During the 19987 vice presidential debates, a sneering Lloyd Bentson told Dan Qualyle, "I knew Jack Kennedy; your're no Jack Kennedy." From 1960 to 1962, Kennedy had a series of extramarital trysts with a stunning brunette named Judith Exner who had social ties to a couple of Mafia bosses who were linked to the CIA's botched assassination attempt on Fidel Castro. Because Bill Clinton likes to think of his presidency as Camelot revisited, Bodewell thought it fun to contrast Kennedy's Camelot with Clinton's Care-A-Lot . Here an ageless Exner is exiting the White House in 1995, when then ABC Whitehouse correspondent Brit Hume asked the question.

Bodewell's nightmare: "I dreamt I was suffering through a Limbaugh segment in which he was advising a caller about choosing cigars by ring size, when (crazy things happen in dreams) Hillary Rodham appeared and yanked the cigar from Rush's mouth. He went poof, and she sat down to smoke his cigar her Oval Office. From this nightmare I awoke, before she could mandate Universal Health Care coverage, and, unfortunately, before Connie Chung could appear as a cigar girl."